Because Money isn’t everything
Christmas is just behind us, and the true cost for some is only just about to hit us later this month when credit card and bank statements are ready to view online. For some this is nothing to fear as Christmas spends were already organised. For others it is a miserable and depressing time, an uphill sprint into February grasping at our wages as we go!
Christmas is a window for us to look through (if we choose to) to see just how we are lead to believe that gifts, food and drink with our loved ones brings joy and happiness much needed at that time of year. In the short term it often does, but what about after the presents are opened and the food and drink has been had, and the arguments you said wouldn’t happen have? What is the true cost? Why does it matter so much, that we saddle ourselves with debt long after the festivities are a distant memory?
Our relationship with money can be complicated.
The money you have in your savings, bank account, purse or pocket has no relation to the identity of you to yourself or others, and yet for some of us that simply doesn’t quite feel true. The amount we have or don’t have seems to have a considerable impact on our self- esteem and so the distorted beliefs surrounding our value of money can be so emotionally powerful that we have lasting patterns created that wrap our identity and self- worth with our financial status causing much inner conflict.
What is true wealth?
I recognise that our society values wealth. It is seen as an aspiring role model of how we should be in the world. To be wealthy is to be successful, to be successful is to be wealthy. This often is not measured by emotional or health wealth, but by financial wealth, and the consequences of this perception can damage our self- esteem and how we value ourself and others.
On the other hand money is important because it can provide more control in our lives and give us the financial freedom to pursue the things that we want, and have the best opportunities, for example with education for our children or grandchildren, or being able to give back financially in some way to a charity etc. Money is a great tool but it certainly isn’t everything.
However, money is not the only source of wealth in our lives. There are things that money simply cannot buy, like a good chat with a friend or maybe a walk in the park.
In pursuit of this we have seen our debt ratings sore over the last decade compared to our savings ratings which have declined. The relationship with money for some of us impacts greatly on our lives.
Our unhealthy patterns around money
We abide by the patterns created through our experiences around money which in turn create a distorted belief. I believe we have all experienced this at some point in our lives. So what kind of patterns am I referring to? Here are just a few of the most common ones.
- Avoidance to the truth ‘If I don’t see it on a bank statement or acknowledge it all will be fine.
- Compulsive purchasing of things that are of no importance but feelings of security and safety and of being worry free are briefly experienced.
- Giving financially, even if this means forgoing their own financial security- this can come from feelings of guilt or finding it impossible to say no.
- Finally, one of the most common areas of conflict in relationships is that of money- different values, a loss of control, or the difficulty for one or both partners to be honest about their financial affairs.
Learning to identify our money beliefs means that we take away the power that money holds over us, no longer being powerless to these self- defeating patterns.
Recognising them is the starting point to deprive them of that power.
Start 2020 as you mean to go on.
Paula Cornes is an experienced Counsellor and Hypnotherapist. With her training and experience she can work with you, giving you a safe place to explore your personal relationship with money and work towards change.