‘The ‘Waltons at Christmas’ fairy story!!

We may aspire to a ‘perfect’  Christmas, however the reality is sadly too often a reminder of LOSS, of a deeply loved one , stress, pressure and disillusionment, especially compared to our childhood memories (if we’re lucky) and the enchanted magic perpetuated by shopping mall expectations and fairy lights.
After so much time apart the rest of the year, families thrown together, changes in routine, and arguably the busiest time of year for women in their plate spinning act, test their multi-tasking skills to the limit.
So we reach for the Chardonnay to cope, so does the partner.  A hot spot for the start of a mega row as expectations are not met for both on any level.  That’s it, enough!  “I will not spend another Christmas with your mother ... your unreasonable attitude....the list is endless.
It’s easy to say reduce stress at Christmas, but how, especially with your primary partner?

PLAN
 No, this isn’t about the turkey!!  pudding, or the Yorkshires done to perfection!. So get the strategy right, and most importantly agree the rules of the game BEFORE the event.  You know your partner’s limitations in coping with the family/ alcohol/ boredom, etc.  Introduce a password e.g. apocalypse which means enough! and exit, any excuse.  Both partners know the code, and must not argue or challenge it. 

LIMITATIONS
Why not arrange special family get togethers in spring or throughout the year, not just at Christmas, its crackers! Change your ‘SHOULDS’ to ‘COULDS’ e.g. ‘I should have so and so for Christmas we do it every year’, to... ‘I could have so and so for Christmas, but this year ‘I CHOOSE’ such and such’.  Now you are in control.

PREZZIES AND STUCK FOR CASH/ INSPIRATION
For the loved one, what a nightmare!  Budget spent on the kids....or not!!
How about a special ‘PROMISE’ envelope, hand written on gorgeous paper?
I PROMISE.... for one evening using the password...........................
a consensual act of pleasure that is not about SEX but SENSUALITY.  Watch their face light up as the imagination works.  It doesn’t lead to intercourse but get creative about lurve-making.

APPRECIATION
Respect your partner. This is not a time to remind them of shortcomings they are well aware of! At every opportunity tell him/ her how special they are in your life.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Get out of denial.  This escalates especially at the festive season.  Don’t suffer.  Tackle it now!  HOT SPOTS are after 11pm, kids in bed, no other adult around.  Rarely, do you see violence in the supermarket, meaning the aggressor has more control than people think.  Stop colluding with the Nancy figure and Bill Sykes in Oliver Twist. You are responsible for your own safety/ behaviour. No provocation justifies violence.
If your relationship is strained now - don’t wait for it to hit the fan!!
Book for a relationship and sex MOT early before it is irretrievable.  It could cost you dearly if you don’t! 

Contact Dana Braithwaite BASRT Acc Sexual and Relationship Psychotherapist. Tel 07951 488501 for a confidential chat.

ENDS

Media enquiries: Denise Wales
Dewcom Media Services
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